Heartbreaker

Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I've been thinking a lot about the phenomena of the break-up song [see also This American Life's excellent episode on the break-up song]. Besides songs about falling in love or being in love, break-up songs is one of the dominant themes in music. These themes of love gained and love lost are universal as nearly everyone experiences these powerful emotions at one time or another and these feelings can even be life changing. Falling in love is a rush like no other and it is a really beautiful experience, best suited to swooning strings or jaunty numbers. While these songs of love and devotion can be inspired, great even, the break-up song resonates in a different way. These songs are spurred on by sometimes devastating incidents, full of hurt, guilt, anger and even relief and defiance. The full spectrum of deep set emotions can inspire the most moving of lyrics that however unique the actual break-up is, can still be relatable.

The break-up song can run the gamut of anger (see: Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know") and defiant (see: Gloria Gaynor's ubiquitous "I Will Survive"), to the heartbroken (see: The Weakerthan's "Left and Leaving") and the pleading (see: Boyz II Men's "End of the Road"), entire albums can be composed of break-up songs (Ryan Adams' great Heartbreaker is a prime example). These songs can be a source of comfort as one experiences each stage of a break-up and helps us remember, 'this pain is passing and I can survive.' Whether the break-up may prove to be a break instead and reconcilliation is in the air, music can still act as a crutch to help sort through the various emotions and get you out on the other side.

So what makes a great break-up song? It changes for everyone, it's what's identifiable for each person. Some of my favorites end up hovering on the sad spectrum of things but I also have a soft spot for the recovering end of the process. In a way, this musing on break-up songs is a form of therapy. Something about listening to these songs fills my heart and keeps me going. So maybe this will help others in their tough time. Here are some of my favorites:

Beck "Lost Cause"

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Sea Change proved to be some of the most beautiful music of Beck's career and "Lost Cause" is just one example. Inspired by the demise of a long-term relationship, "Lost Cause" (as well as all the songs on the album) is Beck at his most vulnerable. It's a song of coming to terms with the fact that the relationship can't survive and while it may be for the best, it's devastating all the same. His soft voice conveys all the pain in the world with his resignation: I'm tired of fighting...fighting for a lost cause. It's all too real and hits right at the nerve.

Bon Iver "Skinny Love"

Deft lyricsim, Justin Vernon's lovely voice and the delicate melody all make "Skinny Love" a gorgeous song. Yet it's the downright crushing delivery that makes it a truly great one. Recorded as Vernon isolated himself in the wake of the break-up of not just his girlfriend but his band as well, every song on For Emma, Forever Ago defies the notion of a delicate folk song, none more so than "Skinny Love." The refrain of I told you to be patient/I told you to be fine/I told you to be balanced/I told you to be kind/Now all your love is wasted/Then who the hell was I? hurts like no other and Vernon's impassioned delivery brings about a lump in the throat every time.

Cat Power "Good Woman"

Any song Chan Marshall sings with her husky voice becomes tinged with melancholy, even the happy ones. So it's no surprise that a sad song can be downright devastating in her care. Like "Lost Cause," "Good Woman" is another song about the realization that some relationships cannot be. As she sings I don't want be a bad woman/And I can't stand to see you be a bad man, the double-tracked vocals add a sorrowful and haunting quality that cuts deep even before she sings And I will love/This love forever.

Ryan Adams "Come Pick Me Up"

Probably the best of Ryan Adams' break-up songs (and that's saying a lot), "Come Pick Me Up" is a prime example of Adams' as a lyricist. Poetic and cutting right to point, his heartbreak tinged with anger and desperation. Though maybe not the best way to get a girl back, it's real nonetheless.

Liz Phair "Divorce Song"

Liz Phair may not be the most expressive of vocalists (she's more of a growler), but she hits the nail on the head with "Divorce Song." Her snarl gets all the bitterness, venom, sarcasm, regret and anger as she tears through the words But you've never been a waste of my time/It's never been a drag. Yet Phair shows a stunning break in her toughness as she sings And the license said you had to stick around until I was dead/But if you're tired of looking at my face, I guess I already am. Her utterance of I guess I already am is practically a whimper (well, for Phair anyway). Her admission is heartbreaking and all the guilt and low self-esteem comes rushing in bringing in a new dimension to the song.

Grizzly Bear "Knife"

It's a simple song, with just a few words but sometimes simple is all you need. A send off of sorts, "Knife" is just a beautiful song. Lush vocal harmonies, wonderful melodic arrangements, it provides complexity to the meditative and repetitive lyrics. Yet with just a few words (You think it's alright), it cuts to the meat of the subject: the lies of a lover. Burn.

Jeff Buckley "Last Goodbye"

Perhaps the quintessential break-up song, Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye" is a song of soaring acoustic guitars and a stunning showcase of Buckley's amazing voice. Told in the perspective of the breaker-upper, Buckley's deliver is tender and impassioned and his last words of "it's over" are sung so softly, an audible kiss if I ever heard one.

The Magnetic Fields "I Don't Want to Get Over You"

No list about love songs is complete without The Magnetic Fields. A quirky anomaly on my list, Stephin Merritt's deadpan delivery shields the kind of heartbreak the lyrics convey. Getting over someone is tough and it's no fun, but unless you can make a career of being blue -- I could dress in black and read Camus, smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth like I was 17, that would be a scream but it's just a tad unrealistic.

Mirah "We're Both So Sorry"

We're Both So Sorry - Mirah

Mirah was always a favorite and her understated C'mon Miracle is one I always turn to. "We're Both So Sorry" has Mirah singing of someone coming back to a lover, apologizing all the way there and all the messy implications that come about. Her deft use of metaphor (weaponry!) is truly stunning and though what she sings about probably won't work out very well, her sweet voice kind of makes you want to take that chance.

Elliott Smith "Somebody That I Used To Know"

In just two minutes, Elliott Smith's "Somebody That I Used to Know" is a song of irrational emotions. Bitterness, anger, and loneliness are in spades in this simple acoustic study. Poignantly written, it's a heartwrenchingly real song from the supremely underrated Figure 8.